FOR IMMEDIATE CONSIDERATION:
This is an exclusive, retained search. Email resume, cover letter and salary requirements to Shira Harrington, Director, Professional Search, Positions Inc. at firstname.lastname@example.org. If possible, please utilize email rather than voicemail when applying. NIB is an equal opportunity employer. Those who are blind are strongly encouraged to apply.
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Okay...today is straight-laced Thursday. I'm cutting to the chase, in honor of the Chicago Marathon next weekend. (The very same chase, er, race, that I am not currently registered to participate. But would be willing if a registration packet fell in my lap...)
Here are the facts; I'm looking for a job. There is no reason to hide it. So I read my fair share of job postings. Like the one for the brand manager at AllStar Marketing in New York. Ya know...the company that promotes the Topsy Turvey upside down tomato grower thingy, the Bumpits hair lifter and the Snuggie. It sounds like a fun and exciting job until you imagine yourself at an office party where someone jokingly gives their boss a Snuggie as part of the holiday office party gift exchange. And you laugh out loud. Loud. Cuz it's a freaking Snuggie. Then you get fired.
OR how about revisiting the text I copied above. Check it out. Blah blah blah it starts. Please only send email, it says. Oh, and apply if you are blind. That's strongly encouraged. But try not to use the phone cuz it bothers us to have to dial a number and call someone back. And remember that this is an exclusive, retained search. Not your regular inclusive, run of the mill job posting for just anyone. Geesh...imagine how inconvenient it would be to not have a job. Or access to email. Or sight. Oh Shira, you go girl.
Put on those running shoes and chase your dreams, sister.